Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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