dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
