you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
