i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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