When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize