bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
