HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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