walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
