This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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