im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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