What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
