i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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