VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize