I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
