If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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