i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
