Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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