Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
