Kiss
Puke
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
