hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
