Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
