omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
