i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize