I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
