McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
