I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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