Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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