I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
