I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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