i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
