Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
