Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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