Jerry, you need to find god
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize