Walk of Shame. In a state park.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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