Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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