Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
