He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
