C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize