Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize