Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
