she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She even gives head with a lisp.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
