This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
