I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize