If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
