I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
