I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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