i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
