You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
