My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
