turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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