your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
