I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have fence marks all over my body
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
