my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
