you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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