My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
