erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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