Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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