Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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