remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
