My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
