On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
