these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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