I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i think i have two assholes
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
