It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
