i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
