i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
