There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
