i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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