did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
