honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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