My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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