you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize