Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
