After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
