Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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