I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
