you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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