Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
