If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
