so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
