I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
