Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
