Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize