I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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