Having a random hookup so left but love u
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i now understand why vodka
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
