this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
In America we eat man semen.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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