between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
