I bet he comes in French.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
