i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
